Winter Bike League 2014

Single File Saturdays: 9 a.m.!

Sundays: 10 a.m.

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Bad Dog!

“Bad dogs” and “bad legs” are the bane of every cyclist’s existence. In this critical summary, however, I will leave off discussing bad legs for another day and focus my gaze only upon dogs, specifically the bad ones. After all, an analysis of bad legs would force me to delve into the murky waters of a road cyclist’s mind and attempt to explain why pedaling with two heavy appendages will plunge a cyclist into a deep, dark and depressive stupor, a serious subject matter far outside the parameters of our comical foray.

In the world of road cycling, there are either “good dogs” or “bad dogs.” There is no in-between. In life, there usually are not such clean lines of separation. Instead, there are gray, dusky regions where one point or position dissolves into another. For example, take human beings. Humans are a baffling blend of both benevolent and malignant traits. This fusion of opposites creates a curious dualism that can make one act like an Apostle at certain times and a complete Asshole at others. Since the dawn of critical thinking, a vast army of philosophers and have spilled oceans of ink in an attempt to reconcile these antipodal traits. However, when it comes to dogs, there is no comingling of opposites. Dogs are either “good” or “bad” and the line separating the two types is big, bright and bold, like Ru Paul strutting down the runway dressed like a drag queen.

The categorization of a dog is simple: A “bad” dog is one that will crash a rider and a “good” dog is one that won’t. This short piece is intended to help a cyclist (you) identify certain characteristics that are common to each category, and to highlight the best avenues of escape in case of emergency. This brief summary may one day save your life, and unlike Linnaean taxonomy, one need not be a scholar to comprehend the classification system advanced in this précis. Instead, understanding is based solely on the ability to feel fear.

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WBL 2014: Awards

 

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