The Burn and the Buster

The Burn and the Buster

(WBL 2014 # 7: Hooooshton)

18 January 2014: Joey Rosskopf stormed to an epic win on a soul-searing, wind-scourged, 85-mile, 4-hour day in this past Saturday’s WBL misadventure, the Hamilton-Stryker/Hub Hooooshton Classic. Rosskopf’s win came after the pack had been body-battered by an unyielding wind and pounded into the submission by a ruthless gaggle of Pros and Cat 1s who turned on the high octane afterburners for several exceedingly long stretches at a time. The torrid tempo and the uncharitable wind during these interminable periods of pain eventually took its toll and caused many riders’ thighs to sizzle and their quads to spark and burn, ultimately rendering these two lower appendages about as useful as a bag of wet sand by the time the Final Attack Zone rolled around. And considering that there is simply no place to hide on the brutal, 8 mile Pink Church Circuit Loop, the strongest rider in the bunch was destined to win on this hostile Saturday in the WBL, leaving his compatriots for dead. In fact, instead of the Lexus South Sag Car following the group, Carney substituted a Hearse. It was brimming with bodies by the end of the day.

Around 100 stone cold, no-feeling, no count, black-hearted renegades showed up and signed in for Round 7 in WBL 2014 even though temperatures had fallen through the floor and were stuck below freezing yet again. At kickoff, the temperature hovered around a frosty 30 degrees and it wouldn’t top out much higher than 40 throughout the day. But the sun was shining in a clear, baby blue sky and our mood was soaring—we were ready to rock the joint and burn the house down. So we clipped in and headed in a northwesterly direction, towards Alaska, and directly into the teeth of the howling tempest. The squall wouldn’t abate in the least until two hours later when we arced through Hoooooshton and headed back home.

At the first sprint of the day only 12 miles in, the Ladies sprint at Bear Creek Reservoir, Shannon Parrish pulled off a perfectly timed attack when caught the other ladies daydreaming about Peter Sagan. Parrish drove a spike through the hearts of her competitors and took top honors while newly-married Morgan Patton-Brown showed off her hard-earned Caribbean fitness and jumped back into the fray for the Overall Lead with a solid second, with the consistent Ashley Gruber nailing third.

Bear Creek (Ladies Sprint):

1) Shannon Parrish: 3 pts.
2) Morgan Patton-Brown: 2 pts.
3) Ashley Gruber: 1 pt

After the gals’ sprint, the group was continually knocked this way and that by the fierce, gale force winds, but after the store stop at the halfway point, the pack positioned the bawling busters at its back, hoisted the Jolly Roger, and set sail for home. The pack cruised from the store stop to the Jefferson River Road behind the impetus of Emile Trinny Abraham at an average clip of around 65 miles per hour. It took about 10 minutes to cover 20 miles.

The Non Pro sprint took place on the leg-breaking J River Wall, a 400 meter hill jam up a vertical incline. When the whistle screeched, the group shot up the hill like scalded dogs on summer break. Over the top of the irascible incline, four riders ripped themselves clear of the vulgar mass: Jason Bewley, Fletcher Lydick, Brad Parkerson and Eric Murphy flew away from the rabble behind. Jason Bewley attacked from fourth wheel and managed to hold his gap over the sprint line and score 3 valuable points, pulling him well within striking distance of the Creature Comforts leader Jersey, which currently still sat comfortably on the back of Mary Little Z Zider. Brad Parkerson showed he is a force on both the flats and the hills as he scored a solid second with Fletcher Lydick holding on for third.

J River Wall Hill Jam (Non Pro):

1) Jason Bewley: 3 pts.
2) B Parkerson: 2 pts.
3) F Lydick: 1 pt

Six miles later the pack entered the savage Pink Church Circuit Loop, an 8 mile stretch of perilous blacktop lined with the carcasses of dead cyclists who keeled over and died on the spot. The Pink Church Circuit Loop once again lived up to its sordid reputation and succeeded in ripping the remnants of the battered pack to ribbons. The first time across the Pink Church line, after a couple of violent surges, Thomas Hit Man Brown, showing the savvy of a former 4 time Overall Champ, took advantage of an alley that opened up on the outside of the road and he bolted away for the sprint win. Benjamin Bryan and Austin Hilliard rounded out the top three.

Pink Church Sprint (Pro):

1) Thomas Brown: 3 pts.
2) B Bryant: 2 pts.
3) Austin Hilliard: 1 pt.

After the first intermediate sprint all hale broke lose as the group snaked down the winding descent after the Pink Church. On the upswing of the steep backside hill, Rosskopf stormed off into the wild blue yonder leaving others gasping for air behind. Rosskopf powered ahead over the top of the menacing hill while behind, the sound of femurs breaking and knees snapping echoed across the land like the report of a dozen rifle shots. Rosskopf could not be contained and he soloed the last 5 miles of the arduous circuit for his fourth lifetime WBL win. Crossing the line 15 seconds behind Rosskopf was Big Frank Traveiso, who soloed in for second. 10 seconds behind Frank, Oscar Clarke soloed over for third. Brad Parkerson led in the next group of three for fourth place with a massive sprint. Behind them, the devastated herd continued to roll home in bits and pieces.

Finish (Pink Church Loop):

1) Joey Rosskopf: 10 pts
2) F Travieso: 8 pts
3) O Clarke: 6 pts.
4) Brad Parkerson: 4 pts.
5) David Good man: 2 pts.
6) David Williams: 1 pt
7) Emile Abraham: Super Human Pull Point: 1 pt.
8) True Grit: C Tinsley
9) Birthday Point: Russell Williams: 1 pt.

Non-Pro, 1, 2 (finish):

1) Brad Parkerson: 5 pts.
2) Fletcher Lydick: 3 pts
3) Emile Abraham: 1 pt.

Ladies (Finish):

1) Mary Zider: 5 pts
2) M Patton-Brown: 4 pts
3) Ashley Gruber: 1 pt

In the hunt for the Creature Comfort Leader’s Jersey, Little Z Mary Zider holds a slim 1 point lead over the Big O, Oscar Clark with Big Frank Travieso and Fletcher Paperweight Lydick breathing down both their necks. Morgan Patton-Brown, Jason Bewley, Damien Dunn Joey Rosskopf and Ashley Gruber still remain within striling distance while another dozen or so still hold out a slim hope. The last 4 weeks are shaping up to be a bloody, barroom brawl.

2014 Overall (19 January 2014):

1) 44 pts: Mary Zider

2) 43 pts: O Clark

3) 42 pts: F Travieso

4) 41 pts. F Lydick

5) 38 pts: M Patton-Brown

6) 35 pts: J Bewley

7) 32 pts: D Dunn

8) 31 pts: J Rosskopf

9) 30 pts: A Gruber

10) 30 pts: S Morris

11) 29 pts: M Carrelli

12) 28 pts: E Murphy

13) 28 pts: D Gabriel

14) 28 pts: H Garrison

15) 28 pts: L Ainslie

16) 28 pts: B Lide

17) 28 pts: S Phylaw

18) 28 pts: C Tinsley

19) 27 pts: A Scarano

20) 27 pts: J Smith

21) 27 pts: M Trivette

22) 27 pts: S Wrege

23) 27 pts: S Parrish

24) 27 Pts: D Crowe

25) 26 pts: B Bryant

26) 26 pts: E Cox

27) 25 pts: D Blalock

28) 24 pts: A Smola

29) 23 pts: T Brown

30) 23 pts: J Koch

31) 21 pts: F Crumley

32) 21 pts: C England

33) 20 pts: B Cornett

34) 20 pts: D Hurst

35) 20 pts: B Parkerson

36) 20 pts: M York

37) 20 pts: J Baynes

38) 20 pts: M Kanning

39) 20 pts: M Klein

40) 19 pts: D Goodman

41) 19 pts: O Quinn

42) 19 pts: D Jordan

43) 19 pts: D England

44) 19 pts: D Mealor

45) 19 pts: T Mulkey

46) 18 pts: J Gruber

47) 17 pts: R Wolfe

48) 17 pts: J Campbell

49) 17 pts: S Rafal

50) 16 pts: M Lipold

51) 16 pts: D Farlowe

52) 16 pts: E Kirk

53) 16 pts: B Magner

54) 16 pts: M Miller

55) 16 pts. K Corsello

56) 15 pts: B Mayo

57) 15 pts: D Ramos

58) 15 pts: J Heimer

59) 15 pts: R Foster

60) 15 pts: H Nash

61) 14 pts: E Gruenwedel

62) 14 pts: T Magner

63) 14 pts. R Conaster

64) 14 pts: K Madsmith

65) 15 pts; E Gruenwedel

66) 13 pts: J Loudermilk

67) 13 pts: B Lanzilotta

68) 13 pts: M Szalkowski

69) 13 pts: R Williams

70) 13 pts: R Butler

71) 12 pts: A Hilliard

72) 12 pts: R Evans

73) 12 pts: A Ulich

74) 12 pts: M Edmonds

75) 12 pts: C Deluise

76) 11 pts: C Constantine

77) 11 pts: E Caldwell

78) 11 pts: C Vogely

79) 11 pts: T Petit

80) 11 pts: L Radli

81) 11 pts: C whalen

82) 11 pts: T Pazur